My body image has been low...

What I used to think a body image was;

Constantly dieting,

Body monitoring my days away,

Seeking validation for how I looked,

Fitting into a certain size of clothing,

Controlling, perfecting food, placing moral value in what I ate,

Exercising to control my body, burn calories

And a low body image day would look something like;

A shift in the scales 

Feeling fat 

Not getting in a size of clothes 

Bloated, discomfort 

Comparing to others 

Not getting attention from others (or a compliment) 

Which would end in;

Googling the next diet

Redownloading MFP for the 345th time

Slashing calories 

Over exercising 

Burning out

Ending in binge eating,

Further body dissatisfaction,

Flooded by guilt, shame. 

Maybe you’ve felt one or more (if not all of these) too? 

The worst part for me, most days I struggled with my body image, and despite losing 85kg it consumed me. 

I did receive praise for my “body” but within me I hated her, I was riddled with fear, control, and constant thoughts around food, how I looked. 

I thought my body image WAS MY BODY

I thought my body WAS MY WORTH

& those compliments reinforced that message, from being bullied to being seen.

What I know now? That’s rooted in weight bias, fed by diet culture, patriarchal beliefs that shape women into believing their body is the pinnacle of their existence.

Dismissing feelings, removing our voice, silencing us, keeping us small, invalidating feelings, wants, needs.

It was no fault of mine for having these beliefs, biases, it had been drip fed to me, from peers, the media, advertising.

We are literally told this, it feels so real to so many, and it did to me once too.

But these beliefs?

They keep you stuck. 

Stuck battling your body, shame.

Stuck fearing food, overeating, guilt.

Your body image is NOT your body.

Your worth is NOT your body.

Your body image is how you think, act, feel, influenced by so many factors, most of which are out of your control.

This week I put on a pair of leggings, they felt snug, I’d only worn them a week or so ago…

I felt bloated,

I haven’t slept,

I’m on antibiotics,

I’m unwell 🎻 

My energy is low, 

My tolerance is sub zero,

I’m in pain, and while I pride myself on my resilience, when you’re woken up at 1am by excruciating pain, it’s a shitter.

It meant my body image dipped.

I didn’t feel comfortable in my body.

It came with the hottest day too.

Part of me wanted to hide away, wrap myself up and wait for it to pass.

But I wouldn’t ever want that for Ayla. 

So compassionately I did what I needed to do;

Took off the leggings

Put on comfy trackies 

Put on some SPF and body lotion, paying attention to my stomach (once trigger area)

I did some gratitude journalling 

I went for a gentle walk

I did some thought dumping, some intention setting, asking for help with my toddler

I ate regularly, inclusively, still enjoying my Easter chocolate 

The day passed without any noise on my body.

I know there’s privilege in my body in writing this and I do acknowledge that.

But body fat levels aside, you will always experience low body image days, they are not in specific body types, because they are not to do with your body.

I’ve learned the art of responding to these days, and honestly it’s helped maintain my health, my wellbeing, ending the all or nothing and consequently my weight loss.

Before I’d have reacted to this day.

I’d have done everything I said to start with, and likely fallen into a binge & more self pity.

Now my response is inclusive, accepting, aware, compassionate and you can argue very resilient.

My body image has fluctuated since that day to me writing this, neutral, higher, lower, that’s the reality of your body image. 

I have a box of tools that help me in responding to these days to remove the constant chatter of food, my body.

I have an array of sizes in my wardrobe

I have awareness of my feelings, emotions

I know who I am outside of my body

I don’t attach my worth to my body

I found freedom outside of fear 

I built acceptance and understanding of body image and how beliefs kept me hostage.

It wasn’t easy,

You could argue it was the “harder path”

But the alternative? Spending decades fighting my body, fighting food, missing out on events, social occasions, memories because of constant noise, fear?

I wasn’t willing to give away any more of my life after food, bodies lived rent free for so long in my mind.

This is the work they hide from you,

They hide it because it’s not as sexy as fat loss in 8 weeks,

But the truth is, you can lose weight, these days will follow you, and then how do you respond?

It’s why I built thrive, to help brave people like you, reading this, who want the deeper change.

Our method is built on principles that lay the foundations of sustainable health

Living a life of peace, freedom, acceptance.

It’s everything I still do now, what an angel I am.

We have one space opening at the end of the month, if you want this year to be your year of freedom, fill out the below, let’s chat ❤️ 

And for more on developing your body image, check out the podcast here for lots of free advice!