Fat loss isn't right for everyone 🫣

At 140kg I was told to diet.

Directly and indirectly.

I was shamed, isolated, judged, to my face, behind my back.

GPs were ignorant to my health concerns, blaming my weight.

Dermatologists blamed my adult acne on my diet, wrongly labelling gluten intake.

Men called me ugly, unattractive, bullied me.

Women shamed me, picked fault with my “beauty flaws”, joined in with the bullying.

Family members told me to diet, judging my food, labelling my body.

Kate Moss decorated my upbringing, her worth wrapped up in her body.

Jessy Nelson was slammed with weight bias, because she was the “bigger one”

Mel C hit the headlines for gaining weight, being the “fat” spice girl.

Jessica Simpson was shamed for not getting in her “Daisy Duke” shorts anymore.

Bikini pictures of people letting themselves go hit the headlines,

While page 3 lived to feed unrealistic expectations on bodies.

I was told I needed weight loss.

I was told that fat loss would solve everything.

Sitting on an airplane at 20 years old asking for a seatbelt extender while my “friend” sat next to me laughing..

(Safe to say we’re no longer friends)

So I complied,

I did diet,

In every way I knew how.

Slimming world, weight watchers, calorie counting, diet plans.

MFP became my new obsession, alongside my body.

I’d gone from loathing myself, feeling broken, to becoming fixated on my body.

The scales were trending down and all of a sudden I was SEEN.

Noting a time even family didn’t recognise me one Christmas.

People validated me.

People wanted to tel to me.

Men wanted to date me.

Girls wanted to be my friend.

I felt worthy, temporarily anyway.

It would come in fleeting moments.

I’d feel good for a millisecond, and then it would soon show up as shame.

I felt like a shadow of my former self, I felt like a fraud. I didn’t feel like me.

I’d gone from 140kg to 53kg and felt WORSE.

I’d lost weight, in the way society deemed “appropriate”

But in the process of attaining a ‘dream body’ I’d lost my self of self, my libido, my fun, my character, my joy, my hobbies, my creativity, my social life, my connection.

I feared food more than ever

I dreaded social events

I hated the thought of another cooking for me

I didn’t dare to eat anything that wasn’t weighed, tracked, controlled

I body checked up to 121 times a day, one day counting.

I over exercised, would spend hours in the gym.

But I was motivated, apparently??

Truth is, binge eating still remained.

It was now more of a “cheat” day.

I’d meticulously control all week, only to binge through the weekend.

Heart beating out my chest,

Unable to stop.

I lived on caffeine, anxiety higher than my body dissatisfaction.

I avoided food, yet binged it every week.

I weighed myself morning and night, the scales dictating my mood.

Food, my body occupied so much of my life.

But I was celebrated.

Wow you look so good.

Give me your secret.

You’re so healthy.

In reality, fat loss WASN’T right for me at 140kg,

I was binge eating

I hated my body

I had judgement, shame, guilt

Chasing fat loss from that place only perpetuated those feelings, heightening my binge urges, body shame.

I was told I need to shrink, to be smaller,

Yet NOBODY considered my health.

How I felt in my body,

How I felt with food,

Why food was a huge part of my life,

My emotional state, my wellbeing, mentally, physically.

Nobody considered my stress, my anxiety, my own bias, beliefs.

And because of that I fell into more disordered eating.

My food relationship masked by dieting which only served to increase the all or nothing.

Now?

Now I’ve regained weight, but I’ve regained so much more;

My sex drive

My resilience, self compassion

Acceptance

Food freedom

Confidence

Social freedom

Imperfection

Flexibility

Permission to eat

Food no longer takes up my world

My body is something I exist in, with pride,

Proud of her stretch marks, excess skin, cellulite, “c section” hang.

I know there’s privilege in this,

I have maintained a substantial weight loss for coming up to 13 years.

The only way that was possible was because I stopped subscribing to diet culture,

I ended the complying to standards that keep us stuck in a yo-yo state.

I’ve worked on my food relationship, body image, my relationship with myself.

And I’ve built the systems that support you attaining this.

I noticed it didn’t exist in the industry,

Nobody knew of the shame I felt, the pain, mentally, physically.

How fat loss was actually healthy for me, but not from a starting point of guilt and shame.

How that health was not just thinness. It was so much more.

Thrive exists because of my own experience, qualifying as an evidence based nutritionist, a Cbt trained therapist has helped me support hundreds of people who felt the same.

This work isn’t for everyone, it’s for those who truly want to attain a life of food and body freedom, live a life where food is peaceful, calm, inclusive, where health is an overarching goal, sustained, however that looks for you.

We only have one space open for our 1-1 coaching, if this feels right for you, let’s have a chat!