I have real trust issues...

Not the real Cap!

I’m not saying I don’t trust anyone,

But truth be told, it’s one of the things I struggle the most with, 

When your baby mum leaves it does all kinds of things to you, 

Ones that for me ended in binge eating, and seeking relationships that simply had no merit in rebuilding trust, 

Apparently when you fear rejection, you seek to confirm that bias by choosing all the walking, talking red flags,

We no better now, so we do better.

But you know my biggest source of distrust?

The person I lacked the most confidence in? 

It wasn’t another person, 

It was MYSELF.

For years I didn’t trust her, 

I thought she was broken,

I had no trust in her around certain food, that I could eat and feel in control; 

No clue that I could stop eating when I was full, that I even had fullness, 

Zero belief that I could eat food without overeating, that I could leave food, 

No trust that I’d never stop obsessing over food; or could eat a “normal” portion. 

No belief that she could diet without binge eating, 

No trust that I could lose weight, be healthy, 

I was so disconnected from myself that I lost all intuition, all awareness and consequently had no trust in myself. 

Couldn’t be at a buffet,

Couldn’t have chocolate in the house, 

Couldn’t eat meals out, 

Couldn’t try and diet, 

Couldn’t apply for a job,

Because each time I’d binge..

Confirm my own bias,

That belief I had that I was a “complete fucking failure” 

I was wrong, 

And little did I know back then that I’d form the most beautiful connection to myself.

You see, not many people talk about it from my angle, which is one of the reasons why our coaching is different.

Most fitness individuals, coaches haven’t been in larger bodies, haven’t been stereotyped, judged, haven’t had medical professionals dismiss their health and blame their weight, haven’t had comments, been subject to conditioning that their body is broken, they’ve come from body building, or the other side of disordered eating.

Whereas I get it, from both sides,

Having been 140kg and getting to an unhealthy 53kg,

But the same pattern of behaviours, beliefs followed me,

I didn’t trust myself, I was still binge eating in a healthy body.

Which is why it’s entirely reductive to assume someone’s health on their body weight.

But now, a decade later?

I trust her more than anyone,

Around all foods, all environments, all situations,

To carry me through life in the capacity she has available that day (based on sleep, separation anxiety and overall mental load) 

Together, we have no food noise, no food obsession, and more mindfulness than ever, being able to not pick at Aylas food because I am in fact not a dustbin.

But here’s the thing, I didn’t gain trust from weight loss, 

I didn’t lose the weight and all of a sudden feel “fixed”

In fact I lost the weight and felt like a fraud, mainly because people were commenting on my “incredible weight loss” and I still had deep issues with food, 

Binge eating,

Distrust, 

Food obsession, 

Food noise,

You know what I mean….

Because weight loss doesn’t fix anything, it doesn’t increase confidence, reduce your food noise,

Nor does it help you to reconnect to your body, to re establish your hunger and fullness signals (which become more out of reach the more you diet)

It doesn’t heal what our culture has broken with your beliefs around food, your body.

It took a fuck tonne of realisation to get to this point, where I’m writing an email to you, having just eaten some of my Easter eggs I still have in the house from April…

I don’t feel “full” from that half an egg,

I don’t always feel entirely “full” when I’m eating, 

Maybe it’s leptin resistance from decades of carrying higher body fat levels,

But I know a point I can stop, one that is health considered, compassionate, and inclusive.

One that isn’t validated by calories but embodiment and trust. 

You’re probably thinking “how does she do that?”

Mainly because you’ve spent years swinging between restriction and bingeing, and like me all those years ago you probably don’t trust yourself, maybe offer all your decision making to MFP, calories, 

Until life happens and you’re “off track”

If this resonates and you want to be able to trust yourself,

Stop when you are satisfied, 

Have tools that help you manage situations without food,

Know how to separate from psychological and physical hunger,

Want to diet without the food noise, constant fear of binge eating,

Break free from rules that allows you to feel confident around all foods.

I have the method that does exactly that. Thrive is built on core principles that honour health and healing in a way that is considers your food, body, self relationship and your goals, it’s not a dichotomy.

Here we build our your toolkit that supports the long term change,

The change that means you never diet again,

You do it once and do it with a mindset that shifts from weight bias to health. 

We have a special offer running this month, with free access to exclusive resources and a financial saving. Sign up (or even secure your place) before 3rd July ❤️