Ft the best carrot cake cheesecake in the world
I made a rookie error for years, and it really wasn’t until early this year that I learned the impact of said error.
It started in my 20’s and progressed, unknowingly, into my 30’s.
It was by no means as intense in the last few years, but the impacts have been lasting.
I remember, being sat in a pregnancy class surrounded by some incredible women, sharing experiences, it was so beautiful, so connected. We were learning all above shoving babies out our vaginas, the class leader then said,
“You need to be able to relax your pelvic floor”
Sorry what?
Relax.. my pelvic floor?
Everyone talks so willingly and openly about holding and contracting your pelvic floor, but now I’m being told to release it…
I stopped, how the fuck do I do that.
“Blow through your holes” so Emilia told me.
Wow, ok. I can do this. I did, and it felt ALIEN.
It didn’t feel normal, despite it being a very normal process.
It got me thinking, why do I hold my pelvic floor so much?
As a millennial who loves perfection, control and high achieving, I know shocking revelation, I couldn’t understand why my pelvic floor wasn’t perfect.
It hit me.
I had done it myself. It WAS a me problem. And I don’t like to be wrong, but this time I was. I had fucked up. I had created this level of tension in myself, and christ I needed to get this baby out at some point so I needed to work on it.
My rookie error meant my baby may tear her way out, thankfully she didn’t.
I was annoyed with my actions, why did I let my beliefs run away with me, until I realised, we all do the best we can with where we are at.
And in my 20s the best I could was fed by diet culture, self objectification and thinness.
I’d spent nearly a decade “sucking in my stomach”
Holding my tummy in. Trying to make it flatter, harder, like I was in some sort of corset.
Which subsequently meant I’d been holding all my pelvic floor, and a lot of anxiety (with other factors) in there.
I would walk around literally breathing in,
I would assume everyone was staring at my “problem area” (nobody gave a shit)
I would walk around looking in reflections to see if my stomach was “flat enough”
Flat enough for what?
For validation?
For acceptance?
For “confidence”?
Shockingly never feeling any of these.
It was, in my eyes, never good enough.
There was always someone who looked better (unsurprisingly)
I was never satisfied.
I was never happy in my skin.
Instead I’d hold so much stress in my body,
I’d wear jeans and breathe in the entire time.
I’d wear crop tops and suck in my stomach.
All while being fixated on my body.
It cost me my relationship with my body, and my pelvic floor.
I was now having to actively work on letting everything go.
We assume thinness is more superior than another.
We have body shapes in hierarchy of being “better”
The media slam celebrities for weight gain, fat shame those whose bodies change.
Many now attribute happiness to thinness, yet many are also walking around holding in their stomachs, fearing food, hating their bodies but trying to “make it” by shrinking themselves.
I’m not saying I’m anti fat loss, I’m actually very pro fat loss and believe people would benefit from it, from a health perspective.
I’m anti changing your body to fit a narrative that fuels the patriarchy, that fuels a cultural myth that doesn’t exist.
Our stomachs are not meant to be hard,
They are meant to be soft, full of peace, acceptance,
They are not meant to be full of tension, anxiety,
They are not there for the gaze of others, they are not their for validation,
They are there for digestion, bodily functions,
They are not to be criticised, fixated on,
They are to be accepted,
Acceptance doesn’t mean you cannot change, it means you are aware that you are more than your body, that you offer more to the world and are not entirely satisfied with your body without slandering her.
I sit here, looking at my daughter, sleeping peacefully, heavy in my arms, and never in a million years could I imagine saying to her;
“You need to grow up sucking in your tummy for anyone to love you”
💀🤡
But so many of you, like I did, are doing this.
Living in your own corset era.
Believing your entire worth is linked to your body shape and weight.
It is not, and it’s time you broke away from the mental battle of dissatisfaction and body fixation.
Working on your body image is working on beliefs that have had you trapped in years of suffering with your diet, with your beliefs.
It feels uncertain to even consider accepting yourself, to consider being grateful for your body, to think that you can have a day without body checking, to think you no longer need validation from others.
I get it.
But a life of health is not a life consumed by your body.
Reading this, you probably want fat loss, you’ve probably tried a myriad of methods and feel lost.
You’re consumed by food, by your body, and now you’ve recognised you’re sucking in your stomach.
The reality is, you’ll never achieve lasting results with these beliefs, with these behaviours that are centered around weight bias and self objectification
By constant body checking, by avoiding food, by seeking happiness in thinness.
Weight loss is not synonymous with happiness, nor confidence.
But you CAN be happier and more confident in your body with an approach that heals your food and body relationship whilst inclusively working towards your goals.
Ready to begin your journey? Follow the link below for an open chat about the support we can offer.
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